I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
That accounts for only three of the penises
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
