Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
