What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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