Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize