Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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