You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
