yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I touched a dick in church today
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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