and you said cock pushups were impossible
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
