capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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