well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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