the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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