TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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