Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize