My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
