She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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