so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
