Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
