The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
