i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
