Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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