if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
