I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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