Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
