I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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