Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize