New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
