it was like his penis was on wheels.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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