I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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