I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
