the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize