so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
