Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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