win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Damn victory sex feels great
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize