My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
