Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
