i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize