you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
