I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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