he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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