Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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