barbara walters just said penis...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
