You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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