im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
