Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
