Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
