There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
