I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
