I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
