How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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