what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
