i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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