you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
