You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
