Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
