she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Alive.
So much puke
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
