I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
