while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
