when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm both gender and math confused
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
