No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
