So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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