Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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