Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
