I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
