its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
