those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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