im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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