hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
