So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
