So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
