goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
