woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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