I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
