Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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