I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
