I am puke
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
