I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
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