Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
