I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
