he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
