you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
