they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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