Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
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